It’s Sunday 5-27-07. Since early May my
husband has been on a “big project”. He finished it last Friday and then
promptly left town for a few days. When he got back there were “loose ends” that
needed attention. Maybe you’re on to me, to where I’m going with this…
It’s been a while since I’ve had "me" time.
But it’s now 10:47am and they’ve just left for the entire day. It’s so funny, sometimes I practically beg them to get out of the house because I sense a nervous breakdown approaching. And
when they finally do, I’m all “really, you guys are leaving? Oh really, you won’t
be home for dinner? You don’t have to go for that long”.
What the fuck is that? It's a lot of things, and when taken together it adds up to I-D-I-O-T. I should stop doing that.
Anyway, as soon as they pulled out of the driveway I rushed
upstairs to write my first blog entry. Well, sort of. This is from long ago. I spent many years in art school. Maybe too many.
I made a few attempts for the new blog earlier in the week.
The first attempt:
I’d like to be able to post my blog
entries with stories of how I:
- Manage (with no pay) a soup kitchen in Newark
- Stay home and raise my son to give him a solid
foundation for a successful and productive future
- Write children’s books while my son quietly plays
Katamino
Instead I have this to say. I’m having a really tough time right now because my son is always mad at me. He’s four. I can’t figure this out and sometimes worry that he’s an ambitious sort who has started adolescence ten years early.
But he’s always pissed. It's as if he's incapable of speaking to me in a normal voice. Sometimes it’s from behind clenched teeth. Sometimes he clenches his teeth so hard that his head vibrates. Sometimes it’s whining. And sometimes it’s a low whisper/clenched teeth combination that would be a little frightening if I didn’t do the same thing (not to him, just my husband).
I actually caught myself feeling chipper on Monday morning as I was getting ready for work. I think that's because I was going to my office, a place where:
- There are regular Entenmann's treats
- There are always funny youtube videos
- People don’t speak to me from behind clenched
teeth
- People don’t spitefully poop in their pull-up
right after I tuck them in
I had plans that night that I canceled, because I’m
going to beat this thing dammit! But when I got to his school there was a MAJOR disappointment involving a balloon so it didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. And I clenched my teeth while he sulked.
The following night was not much different.
The next night when I picked him up I was so tired of thinking about it and, after so many frustrations of the previous week I could not focus on our dysfunction anymore.
“Do you remember the ugly bush?”, I asked.
“No”.
“We’re going to dig that up when we get home”.
Silence.
We first had to prune the branches, and then there was a pretty big stump to dig out. We both dug like crazy for about an hour. I was truly surprised that he was strong enough to pull it out himself. Here’s the
angry little man. He seems a little happier toward the end, no? The moral of this story: digging is good.
The second:
My first blog entry! I‘ve had a little more time to think about this than most everyone else, so there’s a part of me that has so many ideas to throw out there. But I don’t know how I could say anything without mentioning my “blogmates”.
I’m not the most involved person with our “group”. I’m probably the least. But I’m also the one who didn’t go to her prom, didn’t go to her college graduation, was the last American virgin, eloped, etc. I guess you could say that I’m a loner.
So it's surprising to me that I'm part of a "group" but I don't know what I would have done the last four years without the S7.
I might have been having a little PMS when I wrote that but it's all true...
Until next week...
