Maybe I never had it, but I've misplaced my Zen. I must have had some sort of Zen. My parents are Buddhist so they have Zen. But, I don't meditate so mine is definitely lost.
I certainly feel lost lately. Perhaps it is the January blues and my throat cold/infecion isn't helping matters. It very well could be the state of limbo many women experience between careers that is a direct result of motherhood. Yeah, it's the third one.
Since I was twelve years old, I knew exactly what I wanted to be. I started drawing plans of houses that I designed on any little note paper I could find. By Junior High, I was pumping out mechanical drawings and doing axonometrics. By High School, I was in a drafting class and making scale models for college credits. There was no question. I was going to be an Architect.
I earned my professional degree, I nailed a job right after gradulation and I LOVED my clients and projects. I even married an Architect. On paper, it sounds so glamourous...so why, after 24 years, am I questioning my path?
The answer is kids. What worked before doesn't always work under different conditions. Women (and men) make such difficult decisions for the sake of their families. Circumstances change yet again, and more decisions must be made. Balance...flexiblity...limbo. What I didn't know at 12 years of age is that my career would not be definite. It's so hard.
Zen (ˈzen) noun: Japanese, religious meditation: a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation.
I need to find some Zen. Enlightenment.
Our kids love getting books from the library. A recent find is this book by Jon J. Muth called Zen Shorts. You must read it to your kids. Hell, read it for yourself.
I got such an amazing reaction from Rob after he read it to the kids. One of the stories REALLY hit home for him. Essentially, there is a young monk and an old monk. They come across a woman in a sedan being held up by her servants. They were stuck in mud and had packages in their hands, therefore could not help her down. The young monk walked past them but the old monk walk through the mud and carried the woman on his back. She complained and didn't even thank the monk. Several hours later, the young monk couldn't contain himself. He asked the older monk why he helped that awful woman. The older monk replied, "I put her down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her around?" There are two more stories in the same book. They are equally wonderful. Any children's book that has a life lesson to be applied to an adult gets my praise.
Coincidentally, Rob just bought this book for me based on a recommendation from a fellow blogger.
So far I've just read the first chapter and although I had to put the book down momentarily to yell at my son, I did it calmly. Maybe my Zen isn't that far away...
Maybe I should order one of these...a Sad Lamp...to en-lighten me. Sorry couldn't resist. Until my lamp arrives, I mean, in the meantime, I'll keep searching for my happy place.
Oh, and I'll get my daily Zen here!
